Sunday, July 19, 2009

Babies on the brain

I haven't been posting a lot. I guess the root of it is that there's not a lot that I want to vent about. And what's the point of posting if there's nothing exciting to report on? Not a lot.

Kim's baby creating is going pretty well. I'm not really right up in her face about it because wedding planning and baby creating are hot button items. People tend to feel it's their right to tell you how to do it and get upset at you when you tell them to take their advice and shove it.

Now, I totally understand that it comes from a good place. I'm not one myself, but I can see where one mom would feel it's helpful to spread her wisdom to a new mom. Where I think it gets out of hand is when you start acting like you know more than the new mom does. Maybe you DO know more, but maybe this is an educated, well rounded new mom who's already thought long and hard about her options, read a lot of books, talked to her doctor and made an informed decision about how she'd like to proceed with ABC. So when you barge in and say how ABC is so dangerous and how she should really just do DEF instead because it's so much better for the baby. Maybe it is, but at the end of the day, it's not your kid and if ABC makes her feel better, let her do ABC. Whatever.

Oh, and she's having a boy. She called me yesterday after her ultrasound to exclaim the news. It's exciting but I'd be lying to you if I said I wanted her to have a boy. I'm sure it'll be fine when he pops out from the womb and you get to see the squiggly little fellow but from a purely selfish auntie perspective little girl clothes, gifts and toys are much more abundant than little boy things. Plus Trevor is not-so-secretively upset that she wants to name her kid the name he wanted to name our kid (Tyler). I say whatever she wants because I was starting to sour on the name anyway and I know two girls in my high school graduating class who already named their kids that same name and although we're not friends in that technical, "talking-to-one-another sense", their kids are going to be peers with my kids one day and I'm spiteful enough to not want share that. And two people at work? Guess what their kids' names are? Same. I guess I never noticed before because I wasn't even thinking about having kids. Now that I'm noticing it's EVERYWHERE.

Not to sound sour; I'm happy to accept whatever name Kim and Vinnie want to bestow to their firstborn. I'm just observing a trend that this particular moniker has wormed it's way into a lot of folks I know. They could name their kid "Lettuce" for all I care. Anyone can name their kid anything and I would never argue with them about it. I'm pretty chill because, hey, I know a ton of Vietnamese guys named Dung. You learn to live with whatever you get saddled with...trust me. I can only assume you picked the name because it was something you truly loved to hell with the folks who can't appreciate the work you put in.

It's funny because every generation has names that are super popular. In my awesome 80's youth Jessica, Jennifer, Michael, Matthew ruled the roost. You couldn't go into any class without there being at least 10 Jennifers and 80 Michaels. Now that my generation is spawning the newest generation of Jennifers and Michaels are actually Aidans and Isabellas. I can't tell you how many kids named Aidan (or some variation thereof in spelling) I know exist in my small world of acquaintanceship. It's funny how we all swarm to be different ("I would NEVER name my child Joseph, that's so boring.") but then ultimately end up all acting like sheep and attracting ourselves to the same names anyway. The act of actively rebelling only to end up being a conformist. Ironic.

I'm not saying I know of a cure to this particular issue. I'm just observing it exists. I guess if anything it solidifies the fact you should just name your kid what you wanna name it regardless of how you think other people will perceive it. We'll all end up looking unoriginal and uninspired anyway.

In spite of this I've made Trevor promise that if we pick another boys name we love, he has to never utter it to another person if he actually wants to keep it. Because I don't personally aim to start procreating right away and in the meantime I know other people are planning on it and I would be heartbroken to have to begin the process of arguing with each other about names again. We cannot agree to save our lives though, so it might take years before we come up with something we mutually don't hate. I mildly want something exotic to harken to my ethnic background, but I can't commit to anything that really sounds like "it." I think when you know it's the right...anything (name, car...toaster), it tends to hit you like a ton of bricks. At least that's how it works for me.

Apparently even my mother-in-law had her name stolen, but in a much more malicious way. Well, technically she had her 2nd son Devin's name stolen but she was mighty upset about it anyway. She was talking to another mom who had said she was going to name her son, I dunno, Jason. Liza said she was going to name her son Devin, and then surprise surprise, the lady had her son first and she named him Devin despite saying the other name. People surprise you with the sneakiness. Liza's the one who told me not to share my baby names, upon penalty of being heartbroken and stressed out. Because the last thing you need when you're 9 months pregnant, bloated, grumpy and mildly insane is to worry about picking a brand new name.

I'm among the youngest of my family's generation of cousins anyway so I'm already stuck with slim pickings. The majority of my cousins are like 10 years older than me so they've already had prime pickings from the baby name pot for their children. So once I finally have a kid I'm going to have to employ some serious creative thinking (LaFawndah?) to pick one they haven't already swooped in on. You name it, chances are one of my cousins has already either renamed themselves with it or given it to their offspring because I have a gajillion cousins. That tends to happen when both of your parents are among the youngest of families with greater than 9 siblings. GREATER than NINE siblings on each side of that family tree. And then all of them eventually reproduce and it just gets exponentially out of control. I think I might possibly be related to half of Vietnam.

Thankfully Trevor's particular generation has yet to spawn. I think Susan will likely be the first though because she actually wants children and seems to like them. Me? I like 'em just fine from a distance but I've never changed a diaper in my life. It's not that I'm grossed out by them; I have quite an unusual tolerance for "gross" things. A combination of working in a nursing home in my teen years and being friends with someone who likes to pick up dead creatures and allow them to putrify in her backyard so she can harvest their bones for art projects once all their flesh falls off. I'm not easily grossed out and a little spit up and poop certainly isn't going to throw me into a tizzy. I just think it's a big commitment of time, money, effort and love. Seeing Kim go through this stirs a lot of emotions in me, part of me wants to do it too and have a tiny little person to love, and then the much louder and much more authoritative voice in my head says "are you f*ing kidding? Kids change everything. You can't even poop in peace without being scared your baby is crying it's head off."

If you want to have your heart ripped out of your chest cavity, you can read along with me at:
http://thespohrsaremultiplying.com/
It's a family blog that this particular family started when they found out they were expecting and it goes all the way until the untimely passing of their 18month little girl from complications that originally stemed from her premature birth. You just want to cry, and then oooh over how adorable this sweet girl was. And then cry again. And then there's:

http://www.mattlogelin.com/
He lost his wife when she had complications from giving birth to their firstborn. I ran into this one first actually, but his verse style of writing isn't one I can read all the time because I get unfocused. (Me plus poetry? = Enemies) But he's grown to get a lot of publicity from his site and his story and getting through being a single dad with a newborn.

I should probably stop reading sites that involve people dying because it's totally a downer and "geez, no wonder you don't want a kid now. You think you're either going to die or the kid's going to die...awesome." That can't be terribly helpful to my general mindset.