Monday, May 31, 2010


Today has been amazing.

I feel utterly revitalized and everything that was bothering me has melted away into a puddle of inconsequential goo.

We went kayaking down part of the Farmington River today with the Pup. He wasn't terribly pleased but he was significantly happier when his butt wasn't sitting in standing water. He is a great water lover but seemed very confused about the current pushing at him and feeling out of control of where he'd end up. I don't much blame him but the poor dear was crying an awful lot. The weather, however? Beautiful. Sunny and warm but not hot and the water was refreshing. And the scenery was stunning even though it was right down in my own hometown it looked so much more special.

It was like seeing the world from a different perspective and I needed that. I really did. I just felt so terribly downtrodden. And I typically hate physical activity. I feel like that's all we ever do between chores and the house and puppy but this was a nice respite from the norm and I still got to spend time with two of my favorite guys.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Squares of Insanity

I guess I should just say it because I've been ignoring it for months. Lex's wedding has been postponed so, unfortunately no wedding this June. No rush of getting your hair done that morning. No pretty dresses to wear. No tiny favors to wrap. Because the underlying reason for this postponement are hers and hers alone there's not a lot to expound upon except to say that if you have any reservations in your mind about what you're doing then you're absolutely doing the right thing to push the pause button and if anyone judges you for it then they're not a terribly understanding friend or aunt or whatever. It's a huge decision to make and not one that you take lightly after over a year of being engaged in the first place.

Moving on to a different subject, Amanda's still coming to town and I hear Cathy's coming into town as well, so I am elated that I have friends that will be in the area even if they're schedules are busy with seeing everyone else who has missed them all of these months. Cathy, like Kim, has a small child so I don't genuinely expect that she'll be out gallivanting late every night she's in town but I have already committed Amanda to squeezing some time for me, for cooking and a great big hug.

And it's about that time again for the Family Beirut tournament so we'll be hosting the grand event. I'd have reservations about this except that everyone's already seen the house in absolute shambles so the fact that it's slightly improved now will only prove to be a vastly superior to the previous times our family members have seen it. The reservations I have are mostly that our bathrooms are in pieces. The only bathroom that is fully utilizable is the watercloset on the first floor. The rest have bits and pieces that function and then gaping wholes where things are missing and while I've somehow managed to be okay with that, I think it's a bit unnerving for guests to need a roadmap of which bathroom to use depending on what they have to do.

At least it's family, right? They can't judge us too much. Clearly it's been a work-in-progress from the very beginning. And once the bathrooms are updated and the tiles are in for them and the kitchen? It'll be actually functional. Sure it may need some more paint here and some more sanding there and some serious doggy deodorizing but that's going to be the rest of our lives anyway.

My parents have been in their house for years and the list of improvements never stops.

The latest is the kitchen tiles because of course we had to go and pick a natural stone on sale and of course now we're obliged to go through each and every square and inspect it to make sure it's "good" not cracked, the right color composition and the right texture because natural products are not uniform. By nature of being made by mother earth they have serious inconsistencies that, while beautiful, it may not be cohesive to have a gigantic white quartz splotch in the middle of your walkway. So yeah, fun times standing lifting and inspecting hundreds of tiles. Literally. I've probably held on to 400 tiles and each one is a gajillion pounds.

Clearly people choose easier things than this. You don't have to manually inspect each tile if it's a manmade from a mold somewhere in China and quality inspected anyway.

I guess we're secretly masochists.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Shiny Speckled Counters as far as the eye can see

Somebody finally has a beautiful granite kitchen countertop.
But somebody is not sharing any pictures of it because she'd rather have folks come see it when we finally get the housewarming together.

Yes we are planning to have something this summer. I think the constant work we've been putting into the house has made it easy to become hermits. And now that we have a dog who needs human interaction? The pup loves us despite unwashed hair and bad social skills.

Kidding aside, I love this dog but he is waring on my last nerves with the biting. Hardly a day passes where he doesn't break the skin and I'm wiping blood from my arm or hand. Seriously. My arms are a weird roadmap of scratches and nibbles. Between eying his poops and cleaning up wounds I'm really beyond exhausted. I love him but it's been something that wears on you.

The bones have not come out. Repeat. The bones he ate like a MONTH ago have not come out. The vet says that if he's pooping regularly and happy and frisky then chances are he's going to slowly dissolve it with his stomach acid. This is probably way too much information, but I cannot express the guilt I'd feel if my pup died because of a lodged bone. The horrible horrible guilt. So we have to keep an eye on him just in case it's giving him any issues because a big bone could seriously pierce THROUGH his stomach or his intestines and that's not a good time for anyone. Other than that? He's healthy and happy as can be which is good because if he was sickly I'm pretty sure I'd blame myself somehow and make myself feel more stressed out and sickly than I already do.

Not that I'm throwing myself a pity party. Plenty of folks have it worse off than me...I just want a break for like a morning where I'm not worried about him peeing in his crate because I slept in. I can't sleep in for fear he's going to explode into little doggy pee-pee shrapnel bits. He's a could happen.

In non puppy non house news (and dude I would do anything for non house news right about now) Susan had her baby girl, Avery and now there's a tiny new member of the family. Well, perhaps not so tiny because she was a bruising 9lb 1oz but nonetheless, she is new and Trevor's already met her and I have not so I'm already jealous. But it's not like she's going anywhere, she can't even sit up on her own yet so I have plenty of time to get a snuggle.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Weight of the World

I am ugh..behind in posting.

Have I mentioned I don't believe in owning a scale? Not because I'm overweight. Rather, it's the contrary. I am naturally slim but I have a bit of a streak of obsessive compulsive when it comes to my weight. So in my experience it's better to just not know. Not put the temptation in front of me. Not to have that number scream at evil judgmental thoughts my way.

But my dad asked how much the puppy weighs now. My guestimation is a lot. I carry that little guy around like he's a big sack of sugar. He's such a sweet little cuddle bug and I don't care that he's going to be gigantic one day. Right now he's a puppy and right now I get to hug him and cuddle him. But anyway the point is that dad was curious and asked if he could weigh Roni. Well, sure. Why not?

But you can't get a puppy to sit on a scale, so I had to carry him. Well, long story short the weight of me and the Roni is under 140lbs and I started to immediately panic that I was dying. Of death. Right then and there. I would just fall over from being too frail. This is why I don't own a scale. I go from reasonable to unreasonable in like 0.2 seconds.

Now there's not a lot I can do other than try and pump up my diet with more substantial fare. I'm not anorexic. I'm not bulimic. I'm just stressed out and I can't find the time to eat because my job is stressing me out. I'm grateful to have a job but it's putting a serious dent in my ability to be a healthy human being.

I love to eat. I just don't have time. I have a broken kitchen. I can't even go to the grocery store for more supplies I want because who will keep an eye on the puppy? My husband is climbing all over the place fixing the house. And naturally I'm expected to help fix my house too and I'm I don't want to not help, but I also don't want to die of exhaustion in a sad heap of chicken legs and gangley arms on top of a gigantic pile of leaves out in the yard as my husband yells at me I gave him the wrong screwdriver.

It's a pretty sad way of passing.

Work's been rough for Trevor too but mostly because he's been tasked with hiring for a new position and pretty much everyone's been a gigantic flake. That's my professional opinion of the matter. I realize it's not the most glamorous job of all time but I feel bad that he's had such a big streak of inconsistent employees. And it was only worse when he hired someone we know because they ended up being the worst flake of all and now I will never think of that person as anything other than completely undependable.

I guess it's just best to put a big line in the sand and say no to friends and no to family when it comes to something that has a direct financial undertone. Trevor's job puts food on our table and now he looks like he intentionally hired someone due to nepotism and it underscores his own professionalism. I'm a tad upset about it because people can mess up their own lives and quit jobs in their own time but when it effects us? I am not a happy camper.

It's been a lot of things. A large pile of stress combined with a severely handicapped social network. I don't know what it is but everyone's been bailing on me and strangely enough the only person who's been consistent lately is living in New Mexico and I can't want to see her and prep her guestroom and decompress. I don't blame Kim for being busy though, she's got a kid and she's finally finally going on a vacation. I don't think she's been on a real one in like 6 years. If anyone deserves a trip it's her.

Trevor says he's going to miss all the projects when they're done. I could not disagree more. I can't wait until the bathrooms are finished and I can finally just do my own thing rather than be my husband's gopher. I'd rather shop for furniture and cook in my kitchen and buy curtains any day. And right now? I have no time to do any of that. I can't wait for just one day all to myself.

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Mommas and the Puppas

House is coming along. I wish I could tell you I finally had counters but, ya know you get used to whatever you have and I hardly mind the cement board and the wood planks we've been using in the meantime. There's no more visible pink on the first floor. Can I tell you how momentous that is? How much more normal our kitchen looks, even with no tiles on the floor and a ton of junk on top of the cabinetry. This might be how normal people live.

I was reading this article that Nia Vardalos wrote about Mother's Day after finally becoming a mother this year and it nearly broke my heart because although I'm never that person who would ever ever ever assume someone is pregnant without like, a written documentation of the fact and like 3 sonograms I can understand how women have a build in competition. To be the thinnest. To be the most fertile. To be the smartest. To be the most successful...and it's just true of people from all walks of life. Whether you're a celebrity or a little sad peon like myself. You take your own inadequacies and you project them outwards as a snide comment or or mean biting reply and you hope to tear people down so that they're as hate filled as you are.

On a brighter note...hey, MOTHER'S DAY! I treated my mom, dad and Trevor to a Mother's Day feast of scallop and shrimp lasagna rolls with spinach in a homemade cream sauce, a huge mixed greens salad, roasted garlic, store made rolls, deviled eggs and fresh fruit as dessert. I stress the store made rolls part because I made everything else. I even chopped up the pineapple. I was thinking about baking something for dessert but glad I didn't because everyone was so full they hardly ate the strawberries I hulled. Plus my mom hates chocolate and sweets of that nature. She'd always rather have fresh fruit. I wish Trevor's mom could have come but it was sort of an "on the fly" meal I decided on the morning-of. A task that I might add is much harder with a dog that insists on sitting right on top of your feet when you make things in hopes you'll decide to drop some food his way. He even grabbed at some spinach before he realized he didn't like it or actually want any of that green stuff.

I wish I cooked more but it's so hard to pull together with a discombobulated kitchen and the Pup always having little "mistakes". Hopefully come this summer we'll have the ability to pull together a proper housewarming party and we can eat a delicious homemade meal. I need good practice if I genuinely intend on hosting Thanksgiving one day.

I adore this puppy. I know that's really boring reading and I sound like every other crazed pet owner, but...I'm sorry he's glorious. And having him makes me realize that love has no boundaries. Whether your kid is your own flesh or adopted or an entirely different species you can love if it's inside you to share that love.

Happy Mother's day! I hope you have someone to share your love with.