Thursday, November 15, 2012

Say Hello to Thirtysomething

I figure the best time to post would be on the Eve (well not exactly the EVE EVE but you know, fairly close) of my 30th Birthday!

And I know (sadly) that people don't look forward to their 30th Birthday but that has a lot less to do with the number and more to do with their expectation of what that number means.  ie: if you saw yourself married to Daniel Craig and at home barefoot and pregnant and that's a far flung dream then yes, it's a disappointment. But it's not the number 30's fault. 

(Can you tell? I watch a lot of Sesame Street.)

Thirty is great.  Being thirty is grand! You want to know why?  I'm not neurotic about everything like I was in my early 20s.  I spent so much time being crazy about boys, about my appearance, about clothes, about status symbol purchases, about stupid nonsense.  Getting older is great because I have the best family, and I never appreciated it until very recently.  I have amazing loving parents who bend over backwards for me and even though they'd probably both bowl me over to grab their grandson, the new light of their existence.  I have a great mother in law who treats me like her own.  I have a husband who I thought I loved when I married him but really? I didn't even know what it was to love him before we had our son.  Seeing him love our son is stunning.  Obviously I love my son, but seeing that same love ooze out of someone else's eyes is not something I expected.  Is it stressful? Yes. Do I miss sleeping? Absolutely. Do I miss going to the bathroom without Roni and my son staring at me because they refuse to let me do anything alone? More than anything. But complete lack of privacy aside, the love and the laughter truly makes me want to be a better person than I am.  How gorgeous is my family? Who could possibly be that lucky?  I don't deserve it and I know it.

I think being 30 is great because I'm not all bent out of shape being petty, childish and catty to other girls.  I won't say I'm 100% nice goody goody all the time, but I guess the older you get the more you realize how counterproductive that kind of negativity is.  No matter how much I make fun of someone behind their back about being fat, it doesn't make me any thinner.  If I make fun of someone for being stupid it doesn't make me smarter.  And hating someone for being taller, smarter, richer, more successful than me, goes without saying that it's rooted in jealousy.  If you're confident in who and what you are, you don't care about what the gal next door has going on. 

Am I where I imagined I would be at 30? No.  I'm not at all.  I thought I'd be single.  I thought I'd be making WAY more money.  I thought I'd have a much more impressive car.  I didn't think I would have lost the friends I have.  I wouldn't have thought I would befriend the people that I have either.  I didn't imagine I'd have a big yellow lab-a-Roni.  I didn't imagine babies.  And I certainly didn't think I'd be big and gigantic and pregnant a second time! But I wouldn't change a thing.  I think that's the clearest indication that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. 
Happy 30-eve! I will clearly no have time to tear away from my family on the day of, I hardly have time to shower, so I'll just take that moment now before it gets lost in the shuffle.