Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's not too late to Apologize

I've been reading blogs (what a surprise, she writes in one and she reads them) and what typically happens is that I absorb the snark and I begin writing in a much more abrasive fashion than I would ever actually express myself in real life. So if I by some irrational reason have rubbed you the wrong way I totally don't intend to rub anyone the wrong way. In fact I don't want to rub anyone on the internet. It seems both inappropriate and weird. I really just want to get thoughts out of my head.

It's that simple.

I think many thoughts...although they are rarely deep and meaningful. Thankfully I don't have to think wedding prep thoughts anymore and that's a huge weight off my shoulders, but I still have weird things floating in my head that worry me in some way. Mostly it's about things I still need to buy for the house that cost way too much money. Occasionally it's about how I really don't like working side-by-side with my husband on a physical task because we cannot communicate effectively when under physical and time related strain. (We are not bound to participate in The Amazing Race any day soon.) Sometimes it's as simple as "what the heck am I going to make for dinner?" but they're still there chirping away.

A friend had expressed that what I wrote upset her. It somewhat surprised me because I don't intend to upset people. I just write what I feel at a particular moment and I don't think about it. I say things that are typically factual, mostly opinion based, and somewhat self-indulgent...but I always try and make it a point to not single people out and say "dude, he was so stupid" or "that girl was the ugliest person I've ever seen." That kind of meanness is unnecessary. Mostly I will state the fact that I really liked, or really disliked a meal. That's pretty much the extent of my annoyingness. I talk about food a lot. I also do that in real life though so it's not really isolated just to this webpage.

Of course I apologized and of course I thought about it...a lot. I very rarely aim to hurt anyone's feelings. I can't even really remember the last time I was intentionally an awful mean witch of a person. Probably high school. And at first I felt guilty because, that's what I do. Actually to be more accurate, I have a very high empathy threshold. So I always put myself in someone else's shoes and in this case I felt that if the situation were turned around I'd likely be upset too. Not like, "let's bust out the Louisville Slugger" upset but a little emotionally bruised.

Now here's my own personal Kelly defect; I might listen to what you have to say, but if I don't agree with it...that's all there is. I won't even argue with you because I don't think less of your opinion. You are entitled to hold whatever opinion you want even if it is diametrically opposed with mine. BUT if I don't agree with it I'm not going to be swayed to being on your side either. Trevor realized this after shopping with me and realizing that even if he said he didn't like the shirt I was looking at, if I liked it I still bought it. It's not that his opinion doesn't matter, it's just that I know that I'm the one who's going to be stuck wearing it so my opinion trumps his. This is true of many other things than shirts. Politics for example. For some reason I feel other people have this same defect in them. So if I say "I can't believe you wouldn't consider eating lamb after I toiled for weeks picking out this menu" I don't really think I'm going to sway you in any way to trying it. Maybe as a child you had a pet lamb you named Betty Jo, and you loved Betty Jo so much and every time you see a lamb you think of her and it makes you cry rivers of tears in her memory. She was the best lamb ever. RIP, Betty Jo.

Hey...that's your story and it's okay, I won't torture you into bending to my will. I'm just a writing in my little blog. I'm not looking to change the world. So if you think my opinion is wrong, or weird or mean...it's not really meant to be a personal affront to your love of lambs or gigantic SUVs or purple leopard print pants...whatever. Just because I don't wear purple doesn't mean I will judge those who love it. In fact, my best friend's favorite color is purple. MY BEST FRIEND. I don't judge her lifestyle, I love the person inside of there.

(By the way, that was a joke.)

In all seriousness, take a breather. If I've offended you then you can simply make the choice not to read and we can still walk away and be friends. I still feel bad but what's been said has been said.

This makes me think of a really weird awful movie called "The Cell" where Jennifer Lopez somehow goes into the mind of a serial killer in order to rescue his victim from some kind of overly complicated death causing situation. I don't really remember the details but in any case, this is like a little flash into my head. It doesn't always make sense. It doesn't read very well. I'm sure it's riddled with gramatical errors but hey...you chose to click here. Be happy it doesn't have really gross images of inside-out cows being ridden by naked prostitutes (the movie had some very gory imagry) The things you find here might not be what you're looking for, but that's how people are. You take the good and the bad when you make the decision to read someone's thoughts. I think it's nice to believe that I'm 100% great and nice all of the time but the honest truth is that I'm just a person and I'm going to say dumb stuff. My opinion about purple pants will not always mesh with yours; I didn't ever say it had to. The beauty of friendship (or family for that matter) is that we're don't have to agree in order to appreciate one another. Also, 100% politically correct, nice behavior is boring. No one wants to read about that...trust me. It's like watching paint dry.

With that thought, I hope everyone has a happy holiday season celebrating whatever holiday your people believe in.