Monday, June 29, 2009

Rest in Peace, indeed

I've been kind of depressed lately. Too much this year.
Instead of expounding on all of them I'll shorten it down into list form:
-Trevor's Maternal Grandfather passed away
-Trevor's Maternal Grandmother passed away
-Trevor's family dog passed away
-My mother's brother passed away. He's survived by his wife and young son.
-My co-worker passed away. She was giving birth to her firstborn son. She never even got to meet him.
-In the celebrity world a ton of people have died but the only one I cared about was Michael Jackson.

Is it lame to admit you loved a celebrity? If you're a child of the 80's like me you'd be lying if you said otherwise. You LOVED Michael Jackson. I loved it more as I got older actually. I loved "The Way You Make me Feel" and "I Just Can't Stop Loving You" and recently rekindled my love of "Off the Wall." I feel like a piece of my childhood just died. I don't really care how other people feel about him or the kind of person he was. I think it's pretentious to tell people they shouldn't grieve. If your heart tells you you're sad, someone preaching to you about how he's a bad person doesn't change that. If you miss him, you should feel free to miss him. Listen to his music. Remember how great he used to be.

Oh, and my parents will never stop telling people about how I used to rip off my clothes and diaper and dance to Michael Jackson's "Beat it." Apparently it was my jam and required me to remove all articles of clothing to really groove appropriately. Everyone has a story like that though. I lack the ability to be mortified because it totally sounds like something I'd do. My coworker told me about her grandmother having really long drapes that she and her siblings would pretend to be stage curtains and they would burst out of the drapes and dance as though it were a theatrical performance of "Thriller."

I guess what my point is, is that life is short. People you don't really expect to pass leave unexpectedly. People who you'd never imagine leaving this world and leaving their babies behind, do. It's unfair and you want to cry. You want to pound your fists against your desk and bawl for the baby who never gets to know how much his mother loved him. You cry because you wish you got to know your uncle better. You ache for his son who didn't want to celebrate his birthday with a big party because he was too grief stricken to celebrate. You weep for them, but you also weep for yourself. You weep because it could happen to you too. Death isn't fickle. It lurks behind in the corners.

I don't want to be morbid. I've just been dealing with a lot of things piling up all on top at once and I think it takes time to work through those feelings. You can feel quite war battered but all you can do is appreciate what you have. You have to hug your dad and tell him how much you love him and pretend to laugh at his story, which you've heard like 80 times. You have to call your mom and chit chat about this week's sale on butter. You have to take the time to visit your friends even if you feel guilty about letting your house look like a wild band of pigs have inhabited it.

Eh, I still feel bad about my house looking awful, but I just blame it on my husband's inability to tidy up on his own. haha. And then I hug him and enjoy a bowl of berry cobbler with him and think how lucky I am to have him.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Wedding Bells

I'm so backlogged. lol

Kim's wedding went off without a hitch. I do however admit to being drunk for a large portion of her bachelorette and wedding day. That probably really helped with the overall relaxed attitude I had. Apart from mine and the other bridesmaids generally being uncomfortable in our $200+ dresses it was a good time. We got our hair done (minus the Maid of Honor Kim's sis who had her hair done elsewhere) and makeup and took pics. Did the whole church thing. Ran a totally random errand for Kim and then really hit that open bar hard.

The bachelorette was a lot of fun although I entirely look forward to a repeat when it's Alexis's turn. A. Kim won't be pregnant by then and maybe I won't be THE loud talkative drunk person; I can always count on Kim to be my crazy counterpart B. I loved it. C. I think there'll be less girls and less "stuff" because Lex isn't interested in nails and toes being it'll also be a bit cheaper. We had our hair and makeup done retro 30's style and makeup and had pictures taken. They also had a facialist massage girl there but I was so preoccupied being loud and drunk and funny I never even got to that point. It takes a LOT of energy to keep a party rolling when the bride herself couldn't drink. And I couldn't pester her into taking shots or doing something equally ridiculous like I usually would. I'm not always the most sociable person ever, but for big events I think it's a travesty not to take advantage of the situation and really squeeze as much fun as you can out of the time you have.

I took a break for the sake of my liver for the rehearsal and then restarted the insanity for the wedding day. Though I waited until after the ceremony and all the picture taking to start; I do have some respect. I'm not a drinker in normal life so it definitely takes it's toll on you. I'm very familiar with my limits and not exceeding them. Plus I'm not 21 anymore. I was mighty exhausted the morning after. Achey. Slow. Not hung over but if I had two more drinks? Probably then, yes I would have been hung over.

I agreed to doing this bridesmaid thing again next year. I'm doing it for Alexis since it seems important to her. At first she wanted us to do it, and then she wanted to par down her wedding and said we didn't have to, and then after Kim's wedding has decided it's back on. I don't really care. I'm still entirely intending on being just as insanely loud and silly for her festivities as either a guest or bridesmaid, the only difference is the expense of the dress I'm wearing and my inclusion in a greater number of her wedding photos. If she changes her mind again between now and June it isn't a big deal. I'll be just as much her friend whether or not I'm a bridesmaid. I think it's kind of silly to feel like "oh, she asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding so I am obliged to ask her in return." You pick people you want to be in your wedding party because they matter to you and you want them to be around you and support you on your big day, not because you have a debt to repay.

Pictures? There are millions but it's not my wedding so I'm not posting any. Kind of an intrusion. Plus I was IN the wedding so I didn't take a single snapshot. Nevermind the fact my dad had my camera anyway so even if I wanted to there was no camera to take pictures with. Not like you are missing anything. We all looked greasy, sweat stainy and gross by the reception came around. Those dresses did not agree with any moisture whatsoever. I have a big splotch on the front of my skirt from the precipitation from my beverage and it's in like a dozen pictures at the reception. Lovely.

My friend Nini also got married in May but she did it in Cali so not so much local. She did send me pictures to look at and I'm happy things went well for her. We're not as close as I think we should be, but I love her very much and I'm glad things came together. It's hard being long distance friends but she did send some pictures my way and she looked very lovely.

It's funny looking at other peoples' weddings because they're nice but obviously different than yours. Everyone has a different "vision" of what a good wedding is. What a pretty engagement ring is. What wedding flowers should look like. It's fun to look at their choices. And it's refreshing to not have to pay for any of it.

Ahhhh....that would be the sound of financial relief.