Sunday, January 24, 2010

Zombified but still Alive

Work has totally eaten up all my time. I even went into work on Saturday for a few hours to kick out some work that I knew I'd never get to complete otherwise. I feel awful because I want to have a good work/life ratio where I actually, like...live. Like, a LIFE.

So with that said I don't want to stress any more about it than I already do when I wake up at 5am stressed out about how I should load XYZ file as soon as I get in the office Monday.

I roll my eyes just listening to myself. It's so uninteresting but I'm drained and I'm a horrible updater as a result. I'm also a horribly inconsistent chef and my husband has on, more than one occasion, been left eating olives and crackers because there is nothing pre-made for him. I'd feel bad, but if he wanted to he could always fry up some eggs and toast but he is not that person. He's more of a "if there is nothing I can reheat in the microwave there is nothing to eat" fellow. I think he'd rather resort to eating all the pickles and drinking all the milk before venturing to pull out a frying pan.

I'm been racking my brain trying to think of easy food to make, but that would require going to the grocery store and getting appropriate ingredients. Normally I wouldn't mind it, but since we're perpetually on the fence of moving due to this house thing I don't want to buy more food if I can avoid it. In fact I've been trying to find ways to squeeze beans, salsa, tomato sauce and pasta into everything.

In other news, since I've been promoted up to Matron of Honor (MoH) by my friend Lex. I'm trying to rally the troops and make a bachelorette gameplan. So far we're throwing around some really fun ideas. I think it's a good mental distraction from my own life to refocus and think about someone else and something positive I can do. Sometimes when you feel powerless and confused in our own life you just got to keep moving, keep going, and refocus on something you do have control over.

Since she's a reader I'm not going to spoil my plans by sharing them with the internets but I will admit that I'm a little neurotic in that her wedding isn't until June and I have a ton of time left to get all the girls on one page. I certainly don't want to plan on say, taking a group of balding guys to the salon. Or taking vegetarians to a BBQ joint. You gotta play to your audience.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, Alexis's is the only wedding on my schedule for 2010 and I want it to be amazing for her. Particularly because I know that they aren't in a position to throw money around, I want to give her something excessively special...if that's even a thing. EXCESSIVELY special. Not just that I bought her an expensive gift. Anybody with a credit card can do that. Having a supportive system of friends looking out for you, keeping you happy and playing interference when Uncle Larry is behaving a little extra grabby is priceless. It's better than a million Dyson vacumes.

So while I'm painfully stressed out, anxious, and stretched thin I do find pleasure in the little things. I have to. I couldn't make it through the day otherwise.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Call me up on your video phone

News? Ugh, nothing good, so I'll just say things have been happening but most of them not-so-much things I want to talk about because I totally believe in jinxing things.

For example? My husband went to NYC for a business day-trip. He got there just fine. Hopped on the Amtrak and was at the conference hall just fine. He insisted on taking my phone because mine is a normal cell phone. I told him he should then give me his for the days "just in case" and he brushed me off. I know when he's listening to me and taking me seriously and I know when he totally doesn't think what I'm saying has merit; this was one of those times. He didn't think it was a big deal and I'd be fine without a phone for one day. And I am the first to admit that I am not a phone person, and often forget the darned thing or keep it on vibrate.

Well, inevitably things go wrong. He misses the last train from NYC to our town. He'd have to take a train to New Haven. I'd have to go pick him up. Okay, okay...I can do that. I hate driving and I hate it moreso in a broken crashed up car but I'm not going to leave my husband stranded. So at around 7pm after a long delirious day at work I drive all the way to New Haven (about an hour away) and then I sit. I wait. I wait some more. Well, unbeknownst to Trevor although he got on the very next train to New Haven it was not an express. It's never an express when you need it to be. So he didn't roll in until around 9:15 and by that time I'd been sitting in a cold car for over an hour freaking myself out about how my husband might have gotten lost, mugged by ninjas or is sitting at some alternative entrance I don't know exists at Union Station even though I had been there once and thought there was only one MAIN entrance.

You can bet I gave him a big "I told you so" about taking both cell phones.

It was mighty satisfying.

So that's kind of the pattern of how our days have been. No one's been hurt. Everyone's healthy. But I'd be lying if I said all these mini-heart attacks make me a sparkling ray of sunshine. I'm a little antisocial. I'm a little irritated. I might think the world is falling apart because the counter is covered in bagel crumbs from my husband not ever wiping it down (it's his thing) and my laundry is growing moss because it's been so long since anyone washed anything PLUS the pile of dishes in the sink has apparently taken all the spoons. No more spoons for ice cream! Now that's just sad.

Thank god I don't take care of any other living things. I don't even have a plant I water. I used to like 3 years ago but after I went on a trip (perhaps Japan?) and left it at the office to die I have since decided to spare things from being tortured by me.

On the bright side? We spent some time with Trevor's Aunt Deborah and Uncle Henry. We ate Korean food. Pretty cupcakes. Yummy popovers. That was amazingly free of mini-heart-attacks.

On another random bright side? Lex upgraded me to Matron of Honor. Makes me feel way old. Like WAY old and my job is to chaparone the young bridesmaids and make sure they get home before curfew. Joking aside, she's already got a Maid of Honor and I'm almost annoying in my desire to be helpful, thoughtful, and courteous. Like I prepare lists of possible reception sites and I gave her a bridal veil and I donated many hundred yards of tulle and brainstorm unreasonably long lists of bridal shower themes.

I am one of THOSE people. I can't help it. I just worked so hard and so long researching things for my own wedding that if I can save you from like, 10 hours of being neurotic I would love to. It's amazing how many hours I spent looking at stuff I'd never normally care about. Anyway, with all the other 'maids out of state/out of country I guess I'm in charge of rallying the troops and at least getting the ball rolling on bachelorette planning. Lex already shot down my idea of a male clown that later turns into a creepy stripper. Now I gotta start right back at the drawing board! (The thoughts that run through my head would probably not be socially acceptable but I have many thoughts and eventually one of the 4293 billion ideas has got to hit the nail on the head and Lex won't shake her head in disgust, shame and mild confusion.)

Here's the problem though; things I think are cool are not bachelorette level cool. ie: I'd love to take a professional cooking class and learn how to make something ridiculously complicated. Something with lots of chopping and dicing and marinating and rolling and using tiny paring knives and exotic ingredients I can hardly pronounce. But that's not cool. And I'd love to host a proper English tea while wearing a gigantic rimmed hat and white gloves while noshing on finger foods and cucumber sandwiches. It'd be a good excuse to buy a beautiful tea set and really cool hat. But that's not cool either.

Clearly as I get older my definition of a good time becomes increasingly questionable. If it were up to me we'd go outlet shopping and then sit around drinking girlie novelty drinks.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Ringing in 2010 with a bang

Happy New Year!

Let's start off with the fluffy stuff. Did I make a resolution? Not so much. But I hope to focus our lives in the new house and be much more organized. I can't stand the piles we have floating around now. There's so little space everything is on top of everything and it's a bit discombobulating.

Hand-in-hand with that is to throw away/give away everything we don't actually use. I think we're always have way too much of what we don't use and too little functional furniture or storage. I could use a few dozen less bottles of body fragrance type sprays and a few more shelves.

I spent my NYE with my friend Lex and my husband. It's amazing how increasingly calm each NYE gets. If the world doesn't end in 2012 I entirely anticipate sleeping right through it. I used to be out there in a not at all weather appropriate outfit trying not to be killed by drunk drivers and now I can hardly be bothered with leaving my living room.

In much less fluffy news I got into a small auto-related accident at a 4 way stop. And no, not at all related to NYE. And it doesn't bother me in the slightest that my car is a little mushed. No mechanical damage. No physical-me damage. If truth be told my litany of car issues is almost laughable. Things just happen to me as though I'm a magnet for it. What I'm pissed about is that the little teenager that hit me said to the police officer that I ran the stop-sign and I did not run it. I don't run stop signs period. I've lived in this same town my whole life and I know how vicious the police are about traffic infractions. They literally sit and stake out near stop signs so they can snatch you.

I'm going to try and be unbiased about it but it infuriates me when someone decides to lie. I often piss off my husband with the extent of my inability to stray far from the truth because I just feel awful. It's not in me to straight up lie to someone. In fact it's much more likely I've said something mildly off-color and upset them because then I seem really mean and awful. Everyone lies. White lies. Big lies. Medium lies. Whatever you want to call it I want to believe that being truthful is one of few things about you that shows you true character. I also think it will always come back around to you. Lies are ugly in that you need to remember them and sometimes build on them when you're caught in one.

I'm not saying I'm a saint. If a tree falls in a forest there are three stories of what happened. Mine, yours and the tree. You can see an entirely different situation than I saw, but bits of the truth will always show through. I guess all I can do is hope for the best and stand by my story. Thankfully there wasn't enough evidence on the other guy's side and I was not issued any citation. It's one thing to be in an accident, it's quite another to dirty up my record with things I did not do. I'm more personally offended than anything else. I don't care about the car. I don't care about any of that. I care that someone said something viciously inaccurate about me.