I'm going to tempt fate for a hot second and tell you something you totally don't want to hear.
I squeezed into those zero jeans! It's not in the slightest bit comfortable but I wriggled, zipped and buttoned up those 7s. My butt kind of looks like that model's too...really flat, but whatever. I accept that as an unfortunate side effect of being thinner than usual. That fat's gotta come from somewhere, right? In about 8 hours I'm likely to just slightly too bloated for them, but for now? VICTORY.
And designer jean victory, she is sweet.
(I probably just made 39049090 enemies right there, but hey the recipe for such success is packing up a house worth of stuff, going up and down eleventeen billion steps from your 3rd floor apartment, not eating the meals you want to eat when you want to eat them and generally being overworked and underpaid. Easy, right?)