Literary consumer

The pandemic has brought forth many a weird hobby.  Recently I've been in an almost maniacal feverish romance novel addiction.  

I've always been a bookish person.  I devoured Babysitter's Club, Sweet Valley High and Land of Oz Books as a young girl. I was always a bit on the nerdy side, rule abiding and good grade getting.  I was in essence a good girl and I played by all the rules and gave no one reason to distrust me.  I also lived in a very strict household where I was often told I couldn't hang out with my friends and yet often left to entertain myself.  Why I couldn't just have fun with my friends, who can guess?  Perhaps allowing me freedom was too much of a risk to my virtue?  

In any case I read a lot of books, watched a lot of tv and did a lot of daydreaming.  When my cousin who was 12 years older than me moved out of the house and left her books when she went to college guess who read inappropriate books given her reading level? This gal.  I'm still a little traumatized from "Flowers in the Attic."  I read all the books in that series but frankly they were awful. FITA was oddly the best of the bunch and it was pretty dark considering the child abuse and incest and all.  Since my parents are the opposite of voracious readers they had no idea what was smut and what was legitimate literature. Books = knowledge = smart =go to college and be successful.  So books were fine because they encouraged me to be well read. They didn't monitor or care in the slightest that some books are insanely racy.  

What does an introverted weirdo learn from the hundreds of books she spent hours devouring?

Well apparently book writers love expounding on the beauty of someone's eyes or wavy thick hair.  God help you if you have boring non sparkly brown eyes or thin hair; obviously you are a monster unworthy of adoration.  Also the importance given to the perfect first kiss is really profound.  Apparently you can tell exactly if you are compatible after one smooch.  After reading hundreds of books in my lifetime I can tell you almost all of them have some big explosive emotional and highly anticipated first kiss.  If not that then a really explosive intimate scene where nothing is weird and somehow everyone climaxes just fine whether or not it's their first time.  Literally everyone climaxes.  The neighbor across the street unrelated to the story? They're also climaxing.  I guess if you're building a fantasy you want your characters to be great in the sack but it's rather unrealistic that literally everyone is awesome at it right away with no instructions or getting to know you phase. And the perfectly average girl with seemingly nothing special about her in the slightest manages to get the amazingly hot dream boat to fall in love with her usually by forced proximity, her inability to stand down to his bluster, for some reason one of them gets sick and there's a whole Florence Nightengale effect or that she's the only one immune to his charms and he's fascinated by her because she is so unexpected.  Did I hit most of the tropes? Oh yes, and meanwhile both of them are smoking hot even though they repeatedly deny it because we're so self effacing and humble but literally every other character tells them they're beautiful like every 30 pages.  

I recently reignited the old fire for reading after Bridgerton season 1.  Not because I even loved Bridgerton season 1.  I thought Rege-Jean Page was very beautiful to look at but the plot was weird. Also his kind of beauty is like, so beyond my brain's ability to relate to that I just don't even consider him a viable human. Like, maybe he's an alien or something?  I am personally not into him, but I think it might be because he's too untouchably perfect?  I feel the same way about Hemsworths. I normally love big strong, overtly athletic handsome blond men but I oddly don't have covetous feelings toward any of them.  Maybe I worry they're too perfect and were built from robot parts.  I would liken Bridgerton to eye candy.  It was so pretty to look at with cotton candy colored costumes and set details that it almost didn't matter that it was so nonsensical. I was mostly confused but I loved seeing this weirdly multi-cultural regency romance and wanted to know if the real source material was all about a guy with a stutter deciding not to have kids and then his eventual wife essentially raping him because she didn't originally understand what the role of semen was in baby making.  Guys....it's a weird plot if you break down the essentials of it.   And spoiler alert, that is basically the plot in the book as well.  

Season 2 was way more fun though I was a little sad they strayed from the book.  I was most fond of book 3 because I am a sucker for a Cinderella story. Always have always will love a Cinderella.  Anyways I read every single Bridgerton book, all the prequels, and then all the books that writer had in her backlog.  Some are weird plot lines but it's all very character driven. If you like the characters you can get through it no problem.  Then because I ran out of her books I started reading related authors.  After I read related authors I then just started reading what booktube and tiktok people were talking about.  Now that I've read most of the dumb stuff they recommended I no longer trust book reviews by those people.  Not that it's "bad" but they're usually reviewing new books and new books are kind of...shallow.  

I keep looking for "better" and I keep on reading more and more books like it's some kind of feverish addiction.  I don't know if the perfect book exists but my brain seems intent on finding it and reading the heck out of it.  I described it to a friend as though I were chasing a very specific high I had once and have been coming up short. I did like reading the books. In case I sound like a snob who hates everything I actually do derive some entertainment from the reading it's just a very relative kind of happiness.  I can also re-read  or re-listen to Pride and Prejudice like a million times but you need some variety, right? Can't just fall in love with Mr. Darcy over and over again.  Historical romance isn't exactly the most mentally taxing genre of books, but it's a fun time.  Like how you can pop in a romantic comedy and laugh and feel good and yet you're not nominating it for any Oscars.  It's fun because it's silly watching Jennifer Lopez pretend like she's some down and out Italian wedding planner, but you're not necessarily learning anything new or unraveling any great ideas or ways of thinking. Heck, I can't even spend the movie believing she's actually Italian.  

It is what it is and it's fun diversion in the moment.  Sadly it takes like a day to read a book and it takes an author months if not years to write a book so I have to find new books quickly. If the plot isn't that confusing and the language is conventional English it's easy to complete even a 500 pager in under two days because it's not like I have to slowly stew over the deep and meaningful metaphors and allusions.  You can just run at full speed and not worry if you're missing a lot of nuance. 

I read "The Hating Game" and though it literally drove me insane, it was weirdly entertaining having a whole story where the guy is madly in love with the heroine and the entire book is her slowly realizing she's just been oddly prejudiced and hard headed about him because clearly she's been into him the whole time and just in denial about it.  It's all written from her perspective so she's under the impression he hates her, but any 10 year old who flirts by tugging the hair of the girl he is into can tell he likes her from the context of what he's saying and doing rather than the literal words.  Is that even vaguely realistic? No. If I hate someone I truly hate them.  I don't harbor secret sexual fantasies about them and think they're supermodel hot and spend an unrealistic amount of time micro analyzing everything they say to me and tracking the color of their shirts.  In the context of a book, you can kind of believe it, but you have to believe these people have the emotional intelligence of 12 year olds if they can't just face the fact that they like each other.  Also, the author makes it annoyingly well known how teeny tiny pocket sized the heroine is, and how stupidly perfectly 6 pack gym rat stacked the hero is.  I know it's a fantasy, but what is the point of belaboring how stunningly hot the hero is if not to just objectify the heck out of him?  I will suspend a great deal of my fussiness but how is this stunningly handsome, smart, rich, educated, health conscious, flower sending man not already swiped up? Because the author implies I should believe he's just real shy and hides it with prickly behavior.  To that I say, whaaaaat?  Does not compute.  Yes guys are allowed to be shy, or socially awkward or whatever but the scale is skewed, this guy is just too darned perfect in all other categories to be madly in love with the 4' 11"prickly dwarf who shoots anger beams at him all day from her eyes.  

The book annoyed me because it's framed as an enemies to lovers trope but really it's two idiots dancing around in circles ignoring their feelings but also flirting up a storm. I have a fondness for flirting but I don't do it with anyone I detest so I don't comprehend how that's possible. I would not re read this one. It's cute but not worth any further exploring.  The movie adaption's male lead though?  What a dreamboat.  I watched it on a plane, I don't love the plot that much I'd go out of my way to watch it but I am not above staring at a handsome man's face for the duration of a movie and that alone being sufficient entertainment.  Fantastic hair on that guy.  Exactly the kind of human level handsome I'd drool over.  

With that said, in real life girls fall for average guys all the time.  How many times do you see a really beautiful lady with a guy who's like a 6/10? Pretty frequently.  Women allow themselves to date and marry guys based on the overall whole of their personality, charm, intelligence and emotional connection. Also there's a big gap between tv media handsome and real life people handsome. If the guy isn't stacked with great muscle definition it's not usually a game changer.  How all the romantic leads in these novels look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club, I'm not sure.  Obviously Brad Pitt can get it any day, even at his current advanced age, but how many guys have you dated that have that kind of distinct muscular leanness and definition?  I went to a University known for athletics and every guy I ever saw who lived on campus regularly hit up the facilities. Literally, every single one would tell me about hitting the weight bench or whatever when we were making bland chit chat about our day. Brag about being able to bench press me no problem,  har har. Even with that great a population of avid gym goers I dated like one guy who had stellar abs and that deep v cut.  Lots of well worked on flat tummies, but actual ab definition is hard work and requires a strict diet and no beer binges.  I think it's kind of unfair to not have more body diversity.  Guys have body related insecurities too even if they don't discuss them as openly.  

I'm going to read some more terrible books, I just know it.  I oddly really enjoy many of Tessa Dare's historical romance.  It's not even slightly authentic to the time but just vaguely is set in it and it's so weird that I suspend all thoughts of realism.  Sure, she has a pet ermine and a fake army of cos players follow her around.  Why, not? Why can't that girl have inherited a castle from a hitherto unknown benefactor? That happens right?  She wrote letters to a fictional man to get out of going to balls and he turned out to be real? I'll bite. Why wouldn't there be a hot Scottish guy by that name, right? Let's see where this takes us.  She was engaged to his brother for 8 years? Kind of oddly long for a betrothal given how short peoples life spans were at the time but sure, I can pretend that makes sense. She wants to go to a geology symposium and can't find any other alternative than to stage a fake elopement? Um...I suppose that's one way of doing it.  The last one? That was the best of the bunch and I'm not even joking. Minerva's wild ride to a Geology symposium was actually a really funny and ridiculous read.

I just agree that the premise no matter how ridiculous and outlandish is perfectly acceptable given the universe it's happening in. And once I agree to the terms of this wacky world I can slowly fall in love with the ridiculously hopeless characters in it and their pet sheep or ferret or ermine.  Why people can't just have a dog, I'm not sure.  If a story is supposed to be set in now times in the real universe that I inhabit? I'm always annoyed at the characters for their idiocy.  Just have a conversation and half of the conflict is gone! 

I did read all the Twilight books even though I kind of hated them.  I guess that means I hate read them. I don't think normal people tend to hate read an entire series of full length novels that weigh a ton. Maybe hate watch a TV show because it's a far smaller time commitment.  I get why it was so beloved because it's basically the story of an everygirl who bags the hottest guy ever.  By her own account she's pretty average and unremarkable but magically she's the one he can't live without.  That's the trope of all romance tropes!  It's a very easy read; you can practically read it with your eyes closed.  I got mad at how pathetic Bella was in Eclipse but otherwise it's a lot of quick reading. Why would you race a motorcycle to feel closer to your ex boyfriend who vanished on you? 

The reality is yes we are all unique and valuable and of course you deserve to find love even if you see yourself as plain and unassuming. But hoping someone falls in love with you because your pheromones are specifically appealing is weird. I guess it implies some level of soul mates? But I don't really believe in soul mates so I'm weirded out by it.  His blind adoration is weird. His stalking her and creeping through her window is insane.  His willingness to kill himself in the second book is really messed up.  (Sorry if that's a spoiler, it's been a lot of years and they play the movies on TBS so I think most of the plot is well known.)

My problem is not the love part of the story. Love is great.  We all love a good love story.  My problem is the inadvertent glamorization of unhealthy stalkerish or obsessive behavior that in real life might have her being the victim of domestic violence or suicide. Especially if aimed to a younger demographic they don't have the same experiences under their belts to know that's not something to aspire to. A dude climbing into your room staring at you in your sleep is no bueno. It's literally the stuff of nightmares if you aren't into him, he's not rich, and he's not beautiful.  If Bella was disgusted by Edward being a sparkly ice pop the whole thing would have devolved quickly into horror.  And the whole best friend Jacob forcing her to kiss him against her will because he knew they had a spark? Gross. Consent, dude!  What kind of friend are you to force her like that, you idiot.  And when she told her dad about it, he laughed!  I was so irritated at that whole thing.  What kind of shitty dad is okay with that? 

So while I enjoy the fluffy reading of a romance novel, it kind of ends up feeding negative behavior.  Like, how girls will often end up forgiving their errant partner after he does some big grand splashy gesture.  What the heck is that?  For movie making purposes, it's pretty cool because you have to squeeze a lot in a short period of time but if a guy in real life dared to embarrass me like that I would be mortified.  And what about the next time he messed up?  Do we really want to repeat this pattern forever on into perpetuity?  And why is there always a love triangle? Why can't GuyA just like Girl and move forward with his feelings without the need for GuyB to incite jealousy? I hate jealousy being the reason the hero finally declares his love. 

The whole caveman "you can't have her! I will take her and make her mine so you back the hell off" annoys me. I know that it's the entire plot line of those alpha male genre of books but that it's a whole genre? People think being bossed around is hot? I suppose I understand that people do enjoy a bit of dom/sub behavior but as far as actual romance rather than sexual proclivity it feels unhealthy and unbalanced.  The only thing that makes it work in those books is that alpha dude is mega hot and super rich. Literally every time. I guess it's supposed to imply he's a man who knows what he wants and is decisive in all areas of his life including the boudoir.  I just have bad experiences with guys pushing their adoration on me so I get the heebie jeebies.  I think at the time in the '00s a lot of guys bought into the Ross situation where a dude that looked less than studly could wear down a Rachel if he just didn't give up because he knew deep down he loved her and deserved to have her because he was such a "good" guy and would give her everything she deserved.  No one tells you though how awful it is repeatedly rejecting the same boy because he refuses to let you have the final word.  And because he has fashioned himself the hero of this story doesn't have any idea he is minimizing my free will and has become the bad guy.  You can't force me to love you because you will it hard enough. 

Bella is a person not a pawn to be pushed around for four installments. If I were her I'd be pissed that I was surrounded by idiots who can't just get their act together.  I hate being objectified.  I know upon talking with other girlfriends sometimes they can perceive it as flattering behavior that these dudes are so focused on getting the gal but me personally? No thanks. I don't like it. Probably why older romance books erk me.  I get a little secondary PTSD living through a guy being too aggressive too fast for seemingly no reason. It just pushes my love-bombing alarm system and gives me a shudder of fear.  

Newer romance at least features consent. It can be a little cringey but I appreciate the effort.  New adult romance focused on like college kids and fresh faced 20 somethings tend to have a lot of consenting behavior and discussion about birth control methods which I think is great. We should all freely be able to talk about that and not think it's weird. 

I read "The Love Hypothesis" and the love scene was so very weird to me but at least they talked about things.  For a fake dating, grumpy/sunshine, Kylo Ren Rey fan fic turned STEM romance it was okay.  It was highly cringey at many points in the book and I had to take several breaks to hold in my groans of  discomfort every time she was forced to do some awkward public facing idiotic thing because her friends put her in a weird position where she couldn't nicely decline. And it just kept happening over and over like a teen comedy.  I would not wish to re read it because I just couldn't love the characters enough to do that to myself. He is broody, cerebral, grumpy renound researcher and still drool worthy and muscley and for some reason he only likes her?  She is 5'8" but somehow a tiny whisp of a girl who eats junk and Frappuccinos and somehow is a marathon runner and super skinny and poor and maybe demi sexual?  Um...sure?  I don't know why the heroine always seems to eat terrible junk and that's supposed to parade as relatable. I love eating junk but thats not actually a personality trait.  The demi sexual thing was way glossed over given that it's a pretty untapped issue that I'm sure could be mined for more in depth details. 

I loved college. I loved that phase of my life because even when I was sad and alone in my dorm feeling bad for myself that my boyfriend dumped me it was a time of possibility.  At any point things could turn around. At any point I could run into people who wanted to hang out and we would go on some weirdly ill advised adventure. I had so many...it would truly mortify my parents and my kids.  So new adult contemporary kind of scratches an itch of that specific time and the dumb things that you would do or the chances you would take because life was so open ended and free.  Sometimes its so awful hugging my bawling drunk friend as she unloads about her sexual trauma in the floor of some strange bathroom. Sometimes I take a different risk and have an ice cream date with this random guy who followed me from a dorm and asked for my number? Sure. Why not? Mr. Random TA (not my own TA in case you have fantasies of me living out my own naughty romance plotline) seemed nice enough.  I didn't end up murdered when we took a walk in a cemetery so alls well that ends well. 

I guess I fashioned myself as side character without thinking about it. My entire youth I didn't have great Asian American influences and I didn't often see representations of myself as the main character.  At best maybe a show would have a side character they added in a few seasons later as a Chinese exchange student but the all American wholesome looking Topanga in Boy Meets World or Winnie Cooper of Life Goes On is the ultimate end game love interest, not a bespectacled tall Asian girl.  And 90% of all Asian characters were uptight nerds with no real character development beyond being dry and task driven. 

I think my best Asian American idol was Claudia Kishi from The Babysitters Club books. She didn't even have a corporal form, she lived in books. I guess she has movie and TV adaptions of her now but at the time? Just a book character.  She was artsy and messy and was known as the unique dresser of her group.  She had a high achieving sister and she herself was maybe just average in school ways but had seemingly endless clothing budget? Because she always had fun outfits and unmatching but coordinated accessories. 

Claudia is a fictional character so I didn't literally dress like her. I just enjoyed the overall ethos of her. The unmatching earrings they always took pains to describe as a monkey in the left ear, a banana and a tree in the right ear.  I did actually get my ears pierced twice but never actually cared to have a menagerie of creatures play out a scene via my piercings.  And I did hyper focus on not wearing the same outfits over and over again but I think it was more that I didn't want to be perceived as poor and constantly wearing the same meager options on repeat.  The colorful combinations they spun for Claudia were fun and seemed an extension of her personality.  She didn't just dress like her friends and her friends didn't just dress like carbon copies of her. She was just OK being herself and she didn't demonize anyone else for their clothes or lack of colorful expression and I admired that. Each of the girls was her own person and didn't insist they all act or dress similarly.  

We are always told to be individuals but also we are stressed by our peer groups to be homogenous.  Pop culture reference: Heathers.  Literally a bunch of girls named Heather are the it girls on campus and they are similar down to their lack of individual names.  Also, see Scream Queens where the cool girls are all the same name, Chanel.  The trope exists because if you buy into the Ugg boots, PSLs and Hydroflasks you demonstrate your willingness to assimilate into the fold.  And your willingness to drop a ton of money on boots or whatever says you aren't just one of those sad poor losers on the outskirts.  You're willing to comply and be part of the in-group.   See, every and all fraternity and sorority rush behavior. 

There's also nothing wrong with being basic and fitting in. I don't imply that I think less of anyone who wants to be part of the in group. It's part of our human nature to want inclusion.  But it's kind of mixed messaging to insist we're all unique and then to not acknowledge that we also crave acceptance via assimilation. Trust me, I'm very familiar with assimilation as a first generation Asian American who forfeited her cultures first name and replaced it with an American one.  

In just 2022 I have read at least 2 to 4 books per week. I'm not overexaggerating that it's truly a rampant addiction.  I also read popular books not specifically romance. I have had some chick lit and whatever genre one considers all those Crazy Rich Asian books.  If there's any Asian lead I admit I'm more likely to read it.  I figure in my life I've read about white female heroines maybe 99% of the time. I should decolonize my brain and add more diverse protagonists.  Plus I will run out of new books so I have to broaden my horizon.  I can't deal with graphic murders or death or child endangerment or any twist ending where the dude is her brother....so I'll need to vet out my book choices.  I can't go in totally blind or I'll get mad. I have stopped reading books many times because I can't take what's happening.  

I tried to read the Summer I Turned Pretty but it's not for me. I got like halfway through and bailed.  I'm just too old to care about Conrad buying her a candy apple every year and how she resents her dad. Yes the side stories are valuable but I just couldn't find enjoyment in reading the rambling selfish whining of a teenager.  I admit it's realistic but there is no joy in pining for an emotionally closed off boy. I lived through awful teenage angst and hated it. I don't need a replay of the agony of reading into every tiny action a boy does and hoping it means he secretly loves me.  It's like looking at the old unevolved version of yourself and cringing nonstop at how dumb you were behaving and not being able to do anything to stop it.  You're just stuck going along for the ride even though you hate yourself every step along the way.  I think Lola Tung is adorable and I wanted to support the story and read the book but I'm just not the target audience.  

I do read other genres but I don't need the emotional strain of being on edge the entire book hoping the heroine didn't actually murder that dude.  Or being upset the protagonist is a psychopath and easily able to justify all their actions because...hello? Psychopath.  I don't want to empathize with monsters.  My hormones already betray me enough on that front; I don't have to see the soft side of literal criminals.  

I had a very short run of enjoying true crime but got over it.  It's just sad being entertained by the worst examples of humanity.  I am sufficiently sad enough due to the pandemic I don't need more to feel morose about.  

The problem with really smutty books is that they tend to be terrible.  Like, did anyone even edit this? So bad you want to scream...and not in any sexy smexy way.  I can understand we allow for some less than realistic porn star roommate from Craigslist delivering climax lessons kind of silly plotlines but I can't stand unreasonable character development and inconsistencies.  If in Chapter 6 he has no headboard to grab and then in Chapter 20 the roommates can hear the headboard banging on the wall it makes no sense. I need you to minimally have done a half focused job reading your own book.  

I guess rather than just complaining non stop I should probably point to any books I enjoyed?  Hard to say.  I guess I enjoyed "The Wall of Winnipeg and Me" because though it was like 600 pages long and just seemed to drag on and on, it was still really engaging and I believed in the progression between not getting along to slowly being friends to falling in love.  If you've read one Mariana Zapata you basically understand the formula to all her work. It's all in one perspective, the heroine.  She is love with the dude to some small degree right from the beginning but painfully ignores all the signals the hero is throwing her way that he's even vaguely nice to her.  She makes excuses that he's just being a good friend. Some awkward situations arise where she has to rise up and take care of something for him. He then later has to take care of her in some way because she's sick or injured or needs support at a game or something.  Through relentless optimism she cracks through to this guy.  They land squarely in comfortable friendship with flirtiness and then if you can stand it, they only get together in the last like, 10 pages of a 600 page monstrosity of a book.  I've read 4 of her books already and they have a kind of similar vibe, but the sports-related ones are surprisingly a tad more exciting.  For a non-sports person I'm not sure why I like it more but "From Lukov with Love" has distinct "The Cutting Edge" vibes and maybe I feel nostalgia.  You know? That ice skating rom-com where a former hockey player takes on pairs figure skating for a chance at the gold?  It's a 90's classic with very obvious cut aways to the stunt doubles who actually can skate and it's so cheesy but you can't help but like it. 

I'd be a terrible heroine in one of these books.  I couldn't possibly ever manage to hold on to my willpower for months waiting for a guy to admit he loved me.  Yes I said love. Mariana has the gall to make me wait until both hero and heroine are head over heels in love with each other before anything of note ever happens. They don't even have an ill timed lusty make out after too many wine coolers. The male love interest always always has the resolve of a saint. Maybe if you're lucky you get to be 75% through the book and those crazy kids finally have a hug. I suppose the fun is the dance between them as they keep denying what they feel.  Oh and so far most of the male protagonists are really stoic, grumpy dudes who apparently can keep it in their pants for months and months and months of build up waiting for exactly the right moment to tell their lady love interest they're madly in love and ready to fully, all in, commit to her. 

Have you heard the term book boyfriend?  It's a guy in a book you fall so in love with you actually wish he were your own boyfriend.  I haven't found one yet in my current age. I like a verbose regency rake but I'd never actually want to marry one.  The alpha touch-her-and-you-die dudes seem mentally unsound.  When I was a girl I was in love with Laurie from Little Women. I am still upset by Jo not falling in love with him the way I did. How could you possibly not fall in love with that boy?  I also read a Caroline B Cooney book about a time traveling girl who falls for a boy from the past and I loved him too.  I am certain that book sucks and is just full of plot holes and vaguely pick-me female catty behavior as was typical of books made in the 1990s so I haven't attempted rereading it so I'm not upset by my childhood fantasy coming up short. His name was Stratford and in that same vein of uptight, bound by social constraints but sweet innocent book boyfriend.  It's probably the root of my love for historicals.  Another old time book boyfriend of my youth was Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables.  I didn't even love the book but Gilbert of the movies with his longing looks? Be still my young innocent heart.  If you're a teen boy? Geez, take a page from Gilbert's gazes because he was telling a whole story with his longing eyes at Anne.  So swoony, well relative to a G rated young boy's behavior in a historical piece. 

As any young girl did I read all the Judy Blume books.  I didn't fully understand them but I read them.  I say that because they are very old and they reference female sanitary items that are no longer produced.  So when they spent pages talking about sanitary belts? My mind wandered and had no idea what that could possibly be and I didn't have Google so I just imagined what it could potentially look like and frankly I was all wrong. In my mind it was like how girls used to wear arm loads of bracelets except it was belts. Belts under your clothes, belts over your clothes, just tons and tons of belts.  I'm wondering if they re-engineered that book and just modernized the lingo yet. The overall story and plot and characters can stay the same but if they could just use modern lady products it would be a far less eyebrow raising education.  Obviously I didn't just slap on 13 belts and call it a day, I'm not that ignorant.  I was pretty weirdly ignorant but I had the sense to just glaze over that part of the book and keep it moving.  When it comes to reading for pleasure I don't let myself get too hung up on things because otherwise I'll never finish reading and I have no other goal when reading than to know how the book ends. 

I read so many books and I'm 100% sure I read a ton of names and words wrong. Like, I totally didn't know Seamus was pronounced shay-muss so for an entire book I mispronounced it in my mind phonetically.  I didn't know any real people with that name! I had no context for why it would pronounced differently than anticipated.   

Also school kind of ruined book reading for me because we would be assigned a chapter a night and I was so overscheduled with work on any given school night I just wanted to zoom through it and I read it very literally. I barely understood subtext and I was really agonizing through a lot of the figurative speech but I did it. As an adult I realize I didn't take the time to really chew over the perspective and how that impacts the prose.  A big example is how the novel "Lolita" is kind of framed like a young girl seducing a grown man. In reality it's a story told from that grown man's perspective and he self identifies as only liking young girls from the onset therefore all his logic and reasoning and justification is provided readily and him seeing this child acting suggestively? If you're a monster seeing a child playing innocently in the sprinklers you're going to see things that I'm not seeing from the same tableau. Also her name isn't even Lolita! He gave her that pet name. She has her own identity and name and he even manages to strip that away from her and rebrand her as this "nymphette."  It's like the ultimate abusers handbook.  

I don't want to see the soft side of child predators but I also think it's interesting how people can so easily see what they want in a work of fiction and get a whole other message than what was intended. Look at how people entirely took "The Matrix" out of context and you don't even have to know how to read to enjoy that one. 

I'm really more of a read non-stop, don't shower, don't sleep, maniacally read all night until you get to the end kind of reader.  Is it healthy? No. Is it ideal for really savoring a story? Nope.  That's just the way I am.  I figure I can enjoy the nuance the second read assuming the book is satisfactory.  

It need not be Chaucer. If it's passable entertainment that isn't too embarrassing I will probably read it again.  There is comfort in knowing a story and not being surprised by what happens next.  I want absolutely no surprises.  It's a comfort thing. The way so many people watch The Office or Friends over and over and over again even though they know what's going to happen. There's comfort in these parasocial relationships with fictional characters.  They can't actually hurt your feelings, nothing bad will really happen, but you get to experience this flow of emotion and inclusion when you pop it on.  Same with a book; you can fall in love over and over again if you want.