Insert Romantic Christmas Title Here

For all my love of historical romance I'm not a big movie consumer. I know most of my peers love a wholesome Hallmark movie which is essentially a rom com made on a TV budget.  I personally just lose interest in bad acting. Not that I'm a good actor but when you understand what's in the sauce? It's not super fun seeing bad acting and bad plot together.  How many times can the uptight career orientated gal be spun around and learn the real meaning of Christmas from the sweet hometown tree farmer she runs into when she visits home for the holiday? Apparently like 300 times at least.

I realize it's none of my business but I have been hearing about this Candace Cameron Bure thing where she basically said she jumped networks because she could executive produce content in line with her beliefs around traditional marriage at some other third tier network I've literally never heard of with America somewhere in the name. People have been mad and I totally understand why. I also have on more thing to add to the dog pile so to speak.   

If you believe in traditional marriage or ghosts or fairies it's none of my business.  It's on you right?  Believe what you want.  However the nuance here is this is a deeply religious woman right? She didn't care about this traditional marriage ideal when she took her Netflix money to be DJ Tanner again but conveniently now that she has an executive title at this new network she conveniently is choosing to taut these ideals.  

Have ideals but don't pick and choose when it's convenient to have them. The thing that annoys me about many people is they ignore their own hypocrisy.  If you actually cared about your morals that much you would have just done Christian content from the jump like your brother does.  He is a whole other mess but I won't bother dissecting him. You only cared once you could make your pile of money.  Also what is this vague idea of "traditional marriage" anyway?

You and I likely imagine the male female pairing at a church, big white dress version of traditional marriage right?  But that's not traditional marriage if you're from other religions or regions.  Traditional marriage for a long time was a social contract between families where they arranged marriages between their children. A dowry was exchanged and a girl was given to live with her groom and his family.  Is that what she meant when she said it? No.  I don't think she's making rom coms about the exchange of goats and livestock while people wear culturally appropriate wedding garb and a 14 year old is married away. 

Saying a vague term like "traditional marriage" is a dog whistle.  It seems innocuous but what this particular woman means is she wants to advocate for a Christian fundamentalist ideal of straight cis heteronormative relationships.  She says she supports all people and she says all kind of nice but conveniently vague things similar to that like loving her neighbor but nothing of actual substance.  She might "support" a gay person being able to live a life in the world not being stoned by his neighbor but if she was forced in a corner she would vote against that same man's right to marry the person he loved since it doesn't comply with her ideal.  What she is NOT saying is that she supports gay marriage.  She is dancing around voicing any overt support for gay, queer and trans affirming acts.  She's dancing around it because she likely doesn't believe in it but is afraid of coming off "mean."

Being "nice" to a gay person and shaking their hand instead of spitting on them and acting like their queerness is catching is not the kind of specific support they are asking for.  This is classic non-ally behavior.  You think because you aren't actively hurting anyone with your two hands means you are free from reproach but that's untrue.  People are polite to me every day but I know I even dated some narrow minded racist jerks who at their core did not believe they were narrow minded because they were nice to me.  I obviously had more naivete at the time and forgave their behavior but now as an adult I can see it for what it really was.  

I'm sure she's a super nice person.  Everyone who ever defends a murder or racist also always says the same thing. "She was so nice! I never would have guessed she chopped up squirrels in her free time. She volunteered at the PTO and dressed up like a clown and everything!"  I don't need people to be nice to me. Nice is the bare minimum but I don't even require it. I'm just asking for the dignity to live my life on my own terms and marry the person I want to marry.  

I'm Asian and I am in an interracial relationship. Not that long ago I would not have been permitted to marry my husband.  It's not that hard a concept to process through that separate is not equal.  The idea sounds fine but in actual real life execution? It does not work.  Having separate water fountains sounds great until you realize one is a nice shiny new clean stainless steel modern marvel and the other is a wooden ladle in a stagnant bucket.  Some ideas sound wonderful and fair but in actual execution they don't pan out the way you think once humans are put in charge and ruin everything.

Queer people are upset at what DJ Tanner said because when you are a marginalized group you know that people hide their hatred in plain sight.  It's not being oversensitive because queer kids kill themselves every day. Transgender women are disproportionately harmed and murdered. They're a group of people fighting for their very lives and trying to be seen and heard not because they desperately need a tv show but because they want the dignity to walk the world and have the same rights and to be seen as equally valuable.  The white cis couples are not in trouble the way queer kids exiled from their conservative families living on skid row being sold into trafficking are in trouble.  But, you know let's have a whole network to support the representation of white slim attractive middle class mediocrity!  That's what will fix everything. 

I love fluff media. Don't get me wrong I read terrible books with utterly awful characters that somehow eat fried chicken and are coveted by their dream man for a decade.  Escapism is important for my mental health but people are allowed to feel mad if they're mad.  There is no point gaslighting them about how that's not what she meant when she said that.  No. I think DJ Tanner followed her script exactly.  She meant every word verbatim.  Her history of behavior reinforces this.  You can support her if you want because you're an autonomous being but it's her own fault if her glossy image is scuffed up and people are tired of the nice on the outside toxic on the inside blonde lady.  It's okay if you're a Karen. Just accept that you've become the trope.

What's the saying? Either you die a hero or you live long enough to become the villain. Sometimes you just have to admit you're the villain.   Villains tend to have a more complex story anyway. 

She said she was upset at the backlash. She did NOT say she was upset at the plight of gay and queer people nor that she felt bad that they were minimized and that queer kids deserve to see healthy representation so they have pride in what they are.  She cares about her fragile white lady feelings and knows people will support her merely based on that. The knee jerk reaction is to feel bad this lady is getting raked over the coals "for simply stating her beliefs."  Other white ladies will probably rally around her. People who make money at this new network will probably support her.  She'll be fine. She'll remain rich and in her own echo chamber and nothing really matters anyway.  She'll die a rich lady and guess what she still wins at life, huh?  You can't argue with people like her about her core beliefs. She's allowed to have a belief and people are allowed to disagree with her.  You can wave your nazi flag in your yard but I also have the right to avoid your house and tell my kids not to trick or treat there.  It goes both ways.  Do what you want but you have consequences and you have to be thick skinned enough to take it on the chin. Complaining that everyone but you is a snowflake doesn't earn you any friends.  

I bring it up because at the core of it we are still fighting for our rights.  I could not care less about a fragile egoed C list actor but it's a good tool to use to explain that what people don't explicitly say speaks more to their character and beliefs.  President Biden had to sign The Respect for Marriage Act into law so on a federal level both same sex and interracial marriages are recognized across state borders.  How long have I been married and why is it still possible that people could dispute its legitimacy?  And Roe vs Wade as well? If that doesn't shake you to your core about your rights being stripped away from underneath you then you don't have any idea about what empathy is and you're happily in your own little community where you are safe therefore you don't have the burden where you need to care.  Must be nice to feel safe under the cloak of misogyny and white supremacy.   

I used to feel apolitical because I felt both sides are run by rich out of touch idiots acting as mouthpieces for us when they're all corrupt and money hungry anyway so they don't actually ever act in our best interests. If everyone is just looking for donor money and is corrupt why care?  I basically feel the same now but I still feel like voting is important to tip the scales away from an aging demographic that has weird conspiracy theories about everything being rigged.  I used to feel like people were smart enough to vote in their own best interest but now I mostly think people are idiots who don't actually know what they're voting for beyond a few scary advertisements or willfully one issue voters and thus they will vote against the things that actually impact their everyday lives being better if there's a vague promise against higher taxes which ultimately is ignored 3 seconds after they are elected anyway. 

I would love to be apathetic again but I just don't have the privilege. 

I'm not gay but queer kids are significantly more likely to die of self harm than straight kids because there is still a great deal of stigma around it and not following a norm of compulsory heterosexuality.  Being a kid is tough. Being a teen riddled with hormones sucks.  Being that same teen and being faced with feelings you feel will ostracize you from your peers and present issues with your family? It can make you feel hopeless and broken and like you won't ever live up to the dreams your parents had for you so obviously you'll just be a disappointment and why do that to everyone? You can spiral into shame and sadness that seems inescapable.  I would never wish my children to feel like I wouldn't love them simply because of whom they chose to fall in love with.  Be young and make your own choices.  Falling in love is one of the best feelings in this world.  I want you to find it one day and it's not my job to dictate whom you love. Even you strange reader deserve to find someone who loves you.

Don't you think my parents wanted me to marry an Asian dude? Of course they did.  But I couldn't find one I liked let alone loved so when I fell in love at all I was just happy my heart worked.  I was elated that love was a thing I could experience at all since maybe I was some weirdly specific outlier and I'd be left in everyones wake forgotten.  I was pretty cynical and sure I'd die alone and eccentric with lots of cats.  I know that sounds illogical but you get very deep in your feelings when you're a teenage girl.  Don't argue with it.  If a girl feels helpless and sad it is simply how she feels; I detest when people try to reason you out of your feelings as though logic has anything to do with feelings. Have you ever met a woman?  I did fall in love and oof, it knocked the air out of me.  Not that I'm minimizing him in any way, I think for the time and the place he was the perfect starter boyfriend and I actually fell in love with him because he felt dependable and hardworking and kind in a way I wasn't aware I would be attracted to let alone would be attracted to me. (I suffer from a classic case of ugly duckling syndrome where I always believe I'm weird and ugly looking even though I've long grown out of that.)  I didn't know a stranger you never met before could just innately feel like a slice of home and comfort in a crazy chaotic world, but maybe that's the big love lesson I was supposed to get from him.  Love doesn't come when it's convenient nor in the package you think it will.  I think there was some book about how everyone only falls in love 3 times? I forget.  I read a lot of books, so things blend together.  The self help ones are kind of forgettable no matter what anyone says.  I'll remember the fun or weird or salacious ones but bland advice about soul mates goes in one ear and right out the other for some reason.  I've only loved two men so maybe I'm overdue for that 3rd one?  I'm joking by the way. I know Kim felt a tad concerned I was talking about cheating or whatever before.  I'm fine and I love my husband. The things I cherish I keep close to my chest so I will not be gloating or show boating about my marriage or my kiddos. 

Anyway, I think most parents feel some obligation to have kids.  And then once the kids pop out they want to commandeer their lives and use it as an excuse to live out their unfulfilled dreams of like football stardom and pretty ballerinas and future physicians.  I hated growing up with all that pressure to be successful.  I was very bright but why is it my obligation to live this life?  I didn't ask to be born and put in this weird dynamic of fulfilling all your lost dreams.  Am I not an individual with her own dreams, hopes and body?  My parents could have been worse I guess?  I heard TI insisted on being there at his daughter's gynecological exam to insist and confirm she was still a virgin.  The audacity of this man to feel he had a right to his daughters body angers me so badly.  But he's not unique.  A lot of fathers essentially gate keep their daughters sexuality.  

I understand the fears but it's her body.  She will have to live in that body not you.  She will have to endure her husband or boyfriend and how will she know normal proper boundaries if she didn't even have them with the most important male figure in her young life?  She will accept pushy, predatory behavior because she'll associate it with just the norm of how guys show they care.  You're messing her up already and you don't even realize it.   Also what if she can't HELP that she's not a virgin anymore? Will you love her less for having been assaulted?  When you put all this importance and weight on an intact hymen you reduce the value of this girl down to what exists between her legs.  Did you raise this child just for that? No, obviously not. So why reduce all her importance to that.  Love her as a whole and believe in her and give her the tools to love herself and make good choices.  

Love is one of life's great pleasures. Assuming you want to find it experiencing head over heels passionate lust mixed with actual love, respect and affection is the best feeling in this world.  The infuriating and maddening feeling of being utterly consumed with desire is not one to be missed.  I wouldn't wish to deny that from anyone who wants it. Sadly it seems like love is harder and harder to find for gen z.  I don't think it's impossible. I just think artificial substitutes make it seem easy to fake real human interaction.  A couple hundred likes on a post feels pretty good and implies people enjoy your face but it won't ever compare to actually kissing someone.  The dopemine isn't the same.  Plus I'll tell you first hand people liking your face is totally overrated because they always feel they deserve you. No, I decide who deserves me.  And it's hard to fall in love via a few pictures on Bumble.  I for one think Matt Smith is hot but if I saw that face on an app I'm pretty sure I'd think he was really odd looking given his lack of eyebrows. But his personality is so adorable and magnetic in interviews that it's crazy you wouldn't be attracted to him. He oozes a very compelling aura around him. Attraction is multipronged and we're trying to over simplify it down to you're hot, I'm hot, let's hook up.  Which is a resounding let down for most people.  

I don't believe in a "16 Candles" kind of love story but I do overall believe in love.  It's a classic coming of age movie from the 80's that seemed to still have a strong hold through the 90s.  I hated it even then. I haven't found any reason to rewatch it because it's aged terribly but many of my millennial peers liked it a lot.  I guess it taps into the fantasy that a boring bland normal girl with barely any personality gets the guy of her dreams she's been coveting over due to some...I don't know. He suddenly had his internal soul mate radar turned on and decides she is worth tracking down because he notices her staring at him like a total creeper.  It makes no sense at all to me but I guess we just want to believe she gets the guy she desires because they're destined to work out.  

He's cute for an 80s guy but he seems weirdly detached from his feelings.  My spidey senses just don't like him.  Though to be fair I also didn't have any feelings toward Patrick Swayze in "Dirty Dancing" though I actually enjoyed that movie and thought the progression of feelings felt more sincere.  I think that's just because Patrick was like, in his 30's and that was a bridge too far for me.  As a young girl I had no business feeling anything toward him at all and I didn't. I completely missed the train on what was hot about him physically. To this day big 80's hair on guys baffles me. A guy can be as hot as Dacre Montgomery but in his 80s costuming he looks like a dirt bag.  I'm not sure how to conceive of it as attractive seeing that awful mullet.  I mostly just envied Jennifer Grey's journey from being awkward and basically invisible to being confident and desirable.  She didn't change her face or her body in any way, she didn't bend her morals, she simply became desirable due to her inner beauty shining through and that's a message I can get behind.  Of course Patrick Swayze fell for her, she's totally adorable.  

Yes movies can be silly but I think we inadvertently learn a lot from them. I think the side plot of the abortion in "Dirty Dancing" made it clear how poorer people are the ones who have to risk life and limb to get proper care.   It also touches on the complex dynamics around a father daughter relationship.  And finally it gave a really good example of a consensual sexual relationship.  The love scene where she goes to his cabin and they dance to Solomon Burke's "Cry to Me" is heavenly. I think the styling is a tad off because everyone looks VERY 80's still but it's a great overall movie. It has a lot of great elements. I've personally outgrown the need for rom-coms but I think art imitates life and life can imitate art.  We give little kids dolls and play pretend kitchens and they pantomime through behaving like the grown humans do.  I think we easily pantomime through what we perceive normal romantic interactions to be as well until we find our own groove.  That's why representation matters.  We want to see ourselves reflected in the media we consume so we feel "normal" whatever the heck normal means.